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Lost -- Episode 10: There is No Distancing Fate

The darker the mood, the deeper the anguish. It's telling, even in the way the scenes are shot, everything is bleak and somber. The agony each character lives in this drama, it's debilitating to watch. I knew Boo Jung's husband wouldn't confront her about her job, not because he was trying to avoid conflict or a fight, but because he wanted to save Boo Jung the embarrassment, just like how he wanted to save her father the heartache and worry. He and her father are doing the same thing, and just as the father cares for his daughter, the husband definitely cares for his wife.

But what makes their relationship so tragic is how little they know of each other's lives. It's telling how little they actually communicate. In fact, it's nonexistent, as Boo Jung doesn't realize her husband too suffers. It makes me wonder why they stay together. The husband I understand could be out of guilt, but Boo Jung I'm not sure maybe despair.

But more than any other episode, this one hurt. I felt physical pain. I've never felt like this about a drama before, and I am not sure I will ever again. For the longest, I couldn't figure out how Jung Woo, the actress, her crappy husband, his mistresses, and Boo Jung connected, but now things are slowly coming into focus. They say time heals all wounds, but not for Boo Jung or Kang Jae. On the contrary, time seems to have stood still, if not grown more agonizing. To imagine that Boo Jung might lose the only comfort she has in her father makes me anxious for her. I can't imagine what that will do to her. She's already on the brink.

As for Kang Jae and his mom, I feel immeasurable sadness when I see them together. Two people, despite their love for each other, are not able to get past their loss, especially Kang Jae. His words to his father that he was still a mess from the time he left him hit me hard. To carry that much pain and yet have to give up on the one person that made him feel alive again in a long time, I could tell cut him like a sharp knife. His words, "I followed my heart and crossed to the other side, but in the end I am back to where I started", but what hit even harder was the longing in Kang Jae's eyes when the elevator doors to his apartment building opened and he imagined Boo Jung, that pierced me. Can fate be distanced, I doubt it.

I know it takes courage and practice to have empathy for the things and choices people make that we cannot understand. That someone like the actress who lives her own hell could presume it acceptable to inflict hell on another is one thing I will never understand, but it doesn't mean I don't empathize with her pain. I knew when she asked the director if he had ever been beaten or knew what that felt like, she spoke from experience. It was so heartfelt that I knew her husband wasn't only a cheat, but physically abusive.

For the life of me, I cannot understand how preserving one's image and career over their physical and mental sanity was a better choice. But it's always easier to perceive things from one's own perspective when it's not happening to them. It's these little details that Lost does so well that it's hard not to be deeply affected by the pain of those we don't care for much. But no amount of pain excuses any person treating another like they are worthless, driving them to the edge of destruction. The way I see it though, they are all headed to even more pain and anguish, not only Boo Jung and Kang Jae, but also Jung Soo, Kyung Eun, Just, Min Jung, and even the actress Jung Ah Ran, it's distressing watching it. Listen to OST here; watch episode 10 here.



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