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Lost -- Episode 4: Suffering in Silence

Lost touches my soul. A glimpse of Boo Jung, and one can immediately tell she is suffering. It made me wonder why couldn't her husband recognize the signs, why hasn't he noticed her withdrawing socially, the sad resigned tone in her speech, or that she's hardly home, and when she comes home she hardly talks to him, and when she does, it's to pick a fight. But then it dawned on me that he too is suffering in silence.

He too, same as Boo Jung, experienced the loss of a baby. But unlike Boo Jung, her husband appears to go through his life and daily routines without showing signs of sadness or lack of energy. It's clear he's simply going through the motions, numb to everything around him, except when he's around Kyung Eun. I understand why he would want to lose himself in his first love. I commend him for holding back, though. I'm not sure he can keep it up for much longer. It is dreadful, the kind of deep suffering the happiest looking people hide inside themselves, as they say.

I love the moments the show gives us of Boo Jung and her father. There's a soothing element to his voice that I like, and the way he stopped Kang Jae, spoke to him, gave him a piece of cake, ensuring Boo Jung would never be invisible again, at least not to him, was so endearing. It's the little gestures that count the most. I know it made an impact on Boo Jung, but Kang Jae even more to have received a cake from a stranger out of nowhere on his birthday. As endearing as Boo Jung and her father are, as awkward as Kang Jae and his mother are when together. It almost feels like Kang Jae lost his connection with her the day his father died. It's clear he still mourns him and doesn't understand death, let alone living.

Not Boo Jung, Kang Jae, Jung Soo, Kyung Eun, Jung Ah Ran, or even Min Jung are actually living; on the contrary, they are barely surviving; each craving what they don't or even cannot have, wanting what someone else has; it's tormenting to watch. Even Just (I like him a lot) wants what he cannot have, the way he looks at Min Jung. She too wants what she knows she will never have -- Kang Jae. Come to think of it, even the line of business Kang Jae, Min Jung and Just are in sounds like a lonely one. How exhausting it must be, struggling to be stronger than how they really feel.

It's like a never-ending cycle of hell, surviving the same existence day in and day out with the only flicker of hope in the way Kang Jae and Boo Jung gawk at each other. It's more like staring; they are unquestionably mesmerized by each other. This drama evokes some serious emotions and questions in me. It has me asking myself if I died tomorrow, would I be pleased with the life I've lived; would I be satisfied with the mark I left on the world, or would I even leave a mark and if I would be pleased with the relationships I've had; food for thought.

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